happy birth-versary sassy eats.
i was on the phone with my mom and told her it was sassy eats 1 year anniversary. she goes “oh happy birthday sassy eats” and then i got all confused. because while this blog has felt like birthing a child (every parent now hates me) it also feels like a relationship. so i’m calling it a birth-versary. because it’s my party and i can call it whatever i’d like.
i hate to admit this, but sassy eats was partially born from a break-up. it’s sort of how i feel about the idea of hilary clinton becoming president. of course i want a female president, but i also want her to have gotten there on her own. because you know, men. anyway. i remember it vividly. i was standing in my ex’s kitchen. he had just complained because i was making tacos and he saw me adding onion to the ground turkey and he doesn’t like onions but i had literally made it like that for him so many times and i wanted to throw a spoon at him. hard. he also didn’t like the inside of tomatoes, so i should’ve known it was doomed.
now i feel like he might be reading this and being all taylor swift but i mean, he’s probably not, right?
i was standing at the island and i told him i was thinking about starting a food blog. i didn’t tell him i had already started it. that i was already learning the ropes and teaching myself about wordpress and testing templates. i didn’t tell him i was already falling in love with the writing and the photography. i didn’t tell him this place made me feel happier than anything had in a long time. and when i told him, he laughed.
i must have had a case of totally warranted on purpose bitchy resting face because he quickly realized i was serious. to be fair to him, this is way out of his wheelhouse and he backtracked and feigned support. nonetheless, his very reaction sealed the deal. we were never going to work and i was starting a food blog.
i never really looked back.
i held sassy eats close, only letting a few people see it so i could get their opinions. and i was pretty scared the night i launched it. like stomach doing somersaults, scared. because i wanted it so badly. it already held pieces of me i didn’t want back. it felt very 3rd grade when you don’t know if anyone’s going to come to your birthday party and there you are with a pony in your tutu and just praying, please let them like me. please let them come.
i poured a very very large glass of wine. launched it. and then didn’t look at my phone or computer for hours. and hours.
but when i did, people had liked it. people actually liked it.
that has been one of the most eye opening things about this place and the last year. who has ended up being the biggest cheerleaders. it hasn’t always been the people i expected. people i hadn’t talked to in years and family friends who i hadn’t seen since my pubescent days, were messaging me saying they loved it and each time i grinned from the inside out and it felt like my heart would burst with joy and pride and relief. and i told them it made my day – because it did. it always does.
you know how people say – make your passion your job and you’ll never work a day in your life – that’s how this feels. it doesn’t feel like work. i can have had a really awful, miserable day but when i come to this place – it gets better. and i feel like myself again. every time. it feels like fun. like when you get that new toy on christmas morning. i hope everyone finds a sassy eats in their life.
i do have to admit, that it’s a lot harder than i thought. this whole blog thing. it’s more rewarding, but it’s more time consuming. partly, because i insisted on doing it on my own. because the other reason i started this place was i needed something to be mine. something that people didn’t track changes through or ask for in a new format or something that someone couldn’t tell me “thanks for taking a stab but…..” (i mean, that’s the worst of the worst).
but it’s not as easy as i thought. it’s growing evolving but not as quickly as i hoped it would in my go big or go home kind of mindset. and there’s the pinterest, and the facebook, and the twitter, and the instagram, and the subscriber emails and the comments and the emails to answer. and there have been so many days when i think i should quit it.
but every time i feel like breaking up with the whole thing, something stops me. my mom calls and tells me her friend just left her a voicemail raving about the blog. my sister texts me to tell me her crossfit instructor couldn’t stop talking about it. a college friends cooks up a sassy eats dish and shares it on instagram.
and the girl in me, who stood at that island, looked her boyfriend straight in the eye and said “screw you. i’m doing it anyway” – she wants to hang on to it. because it brought her to a brighter place.
i still don’t know if it will stay or go.
but thank you. each one of you who had read a post or shared it with someone.
sassy eats doesn’t exist without all of you. it would just be some weirdo diary that only i would read. which is i guess is what a diary is, and sassy eats is kind of like a diary in the way that i tell you all my embarrassing moments, dating blunders, and break-ups and work snaffoos. but that’s just who i am, i couldn’t keep this place strictly food. if i could, i would have each of you over for dinner so we could talk about all these things. we could relate. maybe we’d feel a little less lonely and a little more understood because someone else out there has been through it. that is always my hope.
and that is my birth-versary wish. that each one of you finds your own sassy eats place. that sassy eats helps you cook, or smile or just feel like someone gets it. and i ask that you share sassy eats with someone who you think might just come to the party.