On dads…

i remember a couple of years ago when i was thinking about moving.

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i had lived in my sandbox of a studio for two and a half years, and i thought it was time for a change. something new. exciting. i felt like i should get a new place and i should make a move, or else i wouldn’t grow.

but i didn’t really want to. i was comfortable in my sandbox. being able to see everything that was happening in my apartment at one time gave me a sense of comfort that i didn’t know elsewhere in this big city. the doormen made me feel safe. there was something about them – you could just tell they had good intentions and had your back. in fact, they had proven it to me once or twice.

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that tiny apartment felt like the worn in spot on the couch you gravitate towards after a long day, and that’s what i needed in a place that in many ways still felt – well, not much like home.

i had gone to see a few places, and thought one could work. i was telling my dad that it was a really cool spot, and i thought i should take it.

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and he said, “that’s great honey, but it’s also okay if you want to stay at your place. it’s okay if you just need that anchor for one more year.”

because that’s a dad. they can see past all of it. they can muddle through all the ribbons and bows and knots you’ve tied to try to convince yourself that what everyone thinks you should do is the right move. they can see right down to the core.

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i’ve always been a “daddy’s girl.” my whole life, i have just worshipped my dad. i still do. i do so many things in hopes it makes him proud, in hopes that i’m living up to the dreams he has for me.

so with father’s day just a couple days away, i wanted to say thank you to my dad. you believing in me has empowered me to try harder, persevere, and dream big. knowing you love me unconditionally, even when it surely wasn’t easy to like me, has made all the difference. it has allowed me to take risks, to stretch beyond what i’m capable because even if i fail, all is not lost. you living your life in a true, honest, hardworking and respectful way has made me want to do the same.

thank you for showing me that the american flag should never touch the ground. it should be held with reverence and the utmost respect. for making sure i could change a tire and climb a tree and catch frogs. thank you for teaching me to look people in the eyes and always use a firm handshake, but also, that bear hugs are never out of style.

thank you for not being perfect. for showing me the infallible are fallible. that even my hero has made mistakes. for showing me people have different opinions and perspectives, and there’s not one right way to do everything. everyone comes from a different place, and as long as it’s an honest one, then you should respect that.

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to all the dads of daughters out there – just thank you. thank you for loving us enough but not suffocating us. thank you for all the bandaids. for missing work to watch our recitals. and for pretending you didn’t fall asleep for all but when we were on stage. for the boo boo kisses that worked miracles, for all those hours you carried us around on your shoulders. for threatening our first boyfriends even though secretly, you were just worried. for coming to pick us up from that party when we found ourselves in a bit of trouble. and then, for knowing when it’s time to just step back. to let go. that even if we fail miserably, really miserably – there are scrapes and bruises even your superhero powers can’t heal and that we must endure on our own. we know – none of it was easy.

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