i went to a psychic a couple of weeks ago.
it was like, woah.
but let’s share that story for another post. one where i’ve chugged a solid three glasses of wine before writing. which is like, every third post. plus the ones in between.
can we talk about selfies for a minute?
i see you there, thinking, “sweet segue megan.”
but i was just talking to a few people about them after i got my 11th selfie snapchat of the day. i.just.dont.get.it.
i know what your face looks like. i can see how attractive you are in a polaroid. or hey, there’s this thing called real life. without filters. are you just trying to show me how wildly attractive your new blue t-shirt is? because i’m super impressed. and now if i didnt want to date you, i definitely do now. #selfiescore
you know what my other favorite thing to do is?
so you know on the instagram newsfeed how you can see the photos other people like? and so you click over and you’re looking through and then it’s like ta-tas in your face. and this man that 7 seconds ago you had a fair amount of respect for just liked the freaking photo. and that is just something that can never be unseen. so of course, you do what any normal sane human being would do in that instance – you screenshot it and send it to your best friend.
“johnsports452 likes rowdymaddie’s photo.”
it’s even worse if that man is your ex-boyfriend. and it’s the worst if it’s your current one.
i also love when you see selfies on online dating sites. it’s like, really – you couldn’t have just asked your roommate burt to take the photo? there wasn’t a single decent photo of you on any of the 9 social media sites you surely have. its truly is a wonder why you’re still single.
and so you decide to take a selfie in the bathroom. the room that’s supposed to stay private. because it’s gross. and you decided not to clean it before you took said selfie. because you actually got confused and thought you were posting a craigslist ad for a cleaning woman. bet you’re really just blowing up the dating scene mr. head and shoulders, see left shelf in background of photo.
so what do you think? you a selfie lover or a fighter? i mean, i totally give people props in a way for doing them. although i’d argue it shows an equal measure of confidence and insecurity. it just isn’t my thing. and don’t get me wrong, not just calling out the selfie-ers (totes just created a word) i’m calling out everyone. social media makes everyone narcissistic. i’ll stick with food. and regular old fashioned photos taken by other people. you’re welcome. ain’t no one want to see my face that often.
and so i made you this. i made these and my apartment emanated fall. i only wished for a fireplace.
- 1 stick butter
- 1/4 cup brown sugar
- 1/2 cup granulated sugar
- 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extra
- 8 tablespoons pumpkin puree
- 1 1/2 cups flour
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 1/4 teaspoon baking powder
- 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
- 1/4 teaspooon nutmeg
- 1/4 teaspoon cloves
- 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
- 1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
- In a medium bowl, whisk the melted butter, brown sugar, and granulated sugar together until no brown sugar lumps remain. Whisk in the vanilla and pumpkin until smooth. Set aside.
- In a large bowl, toss together the flour, salt, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, and cloves. Pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients and mix together with a large spoon or rubber spatula. The dough will be very soft. Fold in 1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips. They may not stick to the dough because of the melted butter, but do your best to have them evenly dispersed among the dough. Cover the dough and chill for 30 minutes, or up to 3 days. Chilling is mandatory.
- Take the dough out of the refrigerator. Preheat the oven to 350F degrees. Line two large baking sheets with parchment paper or silicone baking mats.
- Roll the dough into balls, slightly flatten the dough balls because the cookies will only slightly spread in the oven. Bake the cookies for 8-10 minutes. The cookies will look very soft and underbaked. Keeping them in the oven for longer may dry them out.
- Allow the cookies to cool for at least 10 minutes on the cookie sheets before transferring to a wire rack. The longer the cookies cool, the chewier they will be.