Smashed Toast

guys. i need to get a poker face.


i need someone to teach me how to do one. and keep it all day long.

it’s just been one of those weeks when i can’t seem to put the mask on. i just don’t want to. although in all fairness, i’m never really great at hiding how i’m feeling.

if i’m pissed, i scowl. if i’m annoyed, you know. and if i’m embarrassed i’m about as beet red as a tomato in june. on the flip side, if i’m happy – i like a boy on prom night grinning ear to ear.

and then i got to thinking that i’d be a really awful princess. i couldn’t handle being kate and just having to be so perfect all that time. i mean, for harry – maybe, but it would be exhausting.

so if anyway has a cure for tourette syndrome of the face, call me please.


but let’s be honest. i like that i’m outspoken and it’s read on my face. it’s not such a bad thing that people know your opinion. i lost that side for a bit when i came back to chicago, but this girl is getting it back.

so. let’s get smashed, shall we? people have different names for this toast. but i like to call it smashed toast. and these are my two favorites. i mean, they’re madnessly delicious. supercalifragilisticexpealadocious good.


first of all, it’s bread. and carbs are what is worth singing about in the world. carbs and wine are what get me on the treadmill day in and day out. thennnnn there’s avocado. and look, i know there’s a shortage or something and prices are skyrocketing, but i would sell my little brother to keep avocados in my life.

then we have some crushed red pepper flakes. because it’s like the makarena of smashed toast.

then we have eggs! i eat eggs constantly. it’s not normal. but i have greatttt news. you can eat two a day, and it won’t effect your cholesterol. phewwww. an rd told me so we’re all good there, folks. eggscellent.

like i could help myself.

then on one is a tomato. and on the other is sriarcha. i like to bring the heat. oh and s&p on both.


it’s seriously the best toast i ever had. except one toast. grandma patsy made the best peanut butter toast. we lost her a couple of years ago and her absence is always felt. she was technically kelby’s grandma, but she adopted all of us. she lived across the street from kelby’s parents, right across the lake. i would pop in and just chat with her. she would tell me what she was cooking and what she had done that day, and she would give me dating advice while laughing at all the mishaps.

and in the mornings after ski club practice or a night of partying, kelby and i would saunter over there, scoot up to the counter and ask for her toast.

one day i asked her what made her toast so good and she smiled, looked at me and goes, “it’s all the love, meg. all the love.”


Smashed Toast
  • toast
  • avocado
  • crushed red pepper flakes
  • sriracha
  • fried egg
  • salt and pepper
  • tomato
  1. i’m not going to insult you like that.


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