are you wondering when i’m officially going to lose it?
you missed it. it was in february of last year.
or around then. whenever the super bowl is. oh stop that, with the judging. you deflate me like tom brady deflates balls. wait. what.
last year i decided to outdo myself. not to toot my own horn but toot toot i’ll take your buffalo chicken dip and raise you a snackadium. pause for reaction.
i don’t even remember where and when i came up with this ridiculous idea. ohhh wait i do now. i was on the treadmill watching ‘the kitchen’ and they were talking about snackadiums. and i thought to myself, i can do that. yes, i watch food network on the treadmill.
it wasn’t quite as easy as it looked.
i kept having flashbacks to sixth grade science fair projects. the only person who was more traumatized than me was my dad. bless his heart when i told him i needed to make a greek road in 3 days time.
so anywho. off to walgreens i went, because i buy everything at walgreens from wine and pam spray to laundry detergent and toilet paper. then i went home and set about to construct this monstrosity.
let’s just imagine how this went. remember that time i set about to build a bar cart? this was harder than that. because i thought it would be more fun to build it the night before the super bowl. and i had yet to cook anything going in said snackadium. and i lived in a sandbox with a kitchen the size of a dorm room closet. so yeah, it was pretty much like playing frogger. in my apartment.
it kept breaking and coming apart. much like my mind was.
eventually, after 7.5 bottles of wine, i constructed the stadium. I had intended to decorate it and get all craftsy, but look people I’m not martha freaking stewart. what do you want from me? maybe next year. as long as you make it and i just watch and have no part in it whatsoever. although, i think snackadiums are like child birth when you forget the pain and decide it’s a really good idea to do it all over again. i know this, because it’s happening to me already.
anywho. i digress. glory be, isn’t that shocking. so it’s constructed. it was then that i decided i was being a little too ambitious in the food department and was going to have to cheat on a couple dishes. what? i had literally just played tim the toolman taylor for 14 hours.
it ended up being guacamole as the football field – cherry tomatoes as players and beef jerky as the field goals. those darn field goals were just about the end of me, lemmetellya. surrounding that was homemade pretzels, edamame, pigs in a blanket, pulled pork sliders, chips, grapes and pretzels. i also made pulled pork tostadas separately because i’m insane.
the best part of this entire ordeal is after i wheeled this baby down on a cart into my lobby and the cab driver saw what i was trying to squeeze into his car – his jaw dropped. and it was worth it. all of it. just a casual ride through the city with my snackadium. (we eventually did go to a party. i’m not that sad guys. although i buy my friends with food.)
here are some of my other favorite sassy eats super bowl dishes:
goooo team! you know. that team. the one that’s winning. or losing. where’s tom brady?